Well, we did it team, high-five, I’m 40 weeks pregnant! So now that I’m near the end, I figure it is time to bestow upon the world my pregnancy tips.
There are so many pregnancy tips on the Internet. I have several pregnant friends, it’s nice when they ask for advice, probably because they know I’m not going to give you the same bullshit you’ve seen on Pinterest a million times.
Here’s what I’ve learned in my 40 weeks of pregnancy (granted, I spent the first trimester in bed, puking my brains out. So really this is my tips and tricks from the second and third trimester).
Boobs.
They will grow and hurt as they do so. You don’t really want to buy all new bras. You don’t want to leave that one super comfy, super unsexy, bra you have in a drawer for 9 months begging for you to put it on. You won’t be able to. The damn thing won’t close and you’re already so hormonal and emotional that you’ll probably cry. That’s right, you’ll probably cry BECAUSE YOUR DAMN BRA DOESN’T FIT. Rational thought is gone when you’re pregnant, I swear. So go to Joann Fabrics or order these on Amazon. Bra extenders. You’re welcome. I just saved you from crying over your bra AND a ton of money. You can thank me later by donating all that bra money you saved to my future boob lift fund (see previous post).
Maternity clothes hack.
Go to Target. Get lots of tank tops when they go on sale for $6. “But Courtney, don’t I need to buy maternity tank tops for three times that price.” Woman, NO, listen to me. A large regular tank top at Target is EXACTLY THE SAME as a medium maternity tank.
One day I grabbed a maternity tank and notice “hmm, this doesn’t have any fancy ruching on the side for my burgeoning belly! [insert lightbulb above my head] I wonder if this is the same as a regular tank top that is 1/3 the price!?” Then I pranced (ok, we all know I don’t and currently can’t prance) to the regular tank tops with my medium maternity tank in hand and spread it out over the top of a large regular tank. BY GAWD THEY WERE THE SAME. Sorry Target! I’m not falling for this one. Then I proceeded to buy 4 of them.
(I love to sew and I have this fancy hand snap thing called a Kam Snap press. It puts plastic snaps on stuff. My next hack will be trying to take those cheap Target tank tops and adding snaps to the straps for breastfeeding. More on that later and maybe I’ll even remember to take pictures.)
Butt rubs.
My amazing husband got me a prenatal massage at week 36 (and for my birthday) and then my fabulous in laws got me another one. The Belly Up Spa here in Colorado has changed my damn life. They lay you on your side with a preggers pillow between your legs (get one of those too, you’ll thank me later) and massage you that way. Then they flip you over and do the other side. Followed by sitting you up for shoulders and neck AND then they put hot towels on your feet. It is magical.
But the best part, the absolutely most amazing part: the butt rub. Do you have a dog? We have an amazing dog. Maverick will always be our first baby and boy does that dog love a good butt rub. Scratch and massage his hips and right by his tail and he goes nuts. Putty in your hands. That’s pretty much what I felt like while my amazing masseuse, Amber, massaged my hips. Who knew I carried so much of this extra weight pain in my glutes! It’s seriously the best. If I could have her do 30 minutes on each glute and hip, I would. That’s how good it feels. Go get a butt rub, you’ll feel better for days. Bonus! If you have sciatica, it really helps with that.
My number one rule: if mama is suffering, so is baby.
Take the drugs. If you are suffering, so is your baby. At the very beginning of my second trimester the puking went away but the heartburn decided to take its place. Fun times. I was miserable. It felt like all three of Danaerys’ dragons were in my chest. I couldn’t sleep, I burped fire. I got really sick of Tums and bland food. My decaf coffee tasted like firewater. It was horrid. So I asked the doctor (don’t be afraid to ask your doctor! They spent a lot of money for those degrees so you’ll ask them questions). She instantly said “Zantac 150, twice a day” and my life was forever changed. (Please ask your doctor if this is ok for you, I didn’t pay a lot of money for a medical degree so you need to ask someone who did).
Also, you need to laugh. Remember, if mama ain’t happy, neither is baby. I’ll say it again: You have to laugh through pregnancy, otherwise it would be unbearable. I hope everyone has as supportive and wonderful spouse/partner as I do. Mike made me laugh through all of this nonsense. Without him, I would’ve been even more miserable.
I’ll let you know when this kid decides to make their arrival if I have any labor tips. My guess is that my tip will be: scream like hell and get the epidural as soon as humanly possible.
Bonus: my back likes to seize up and I have to roll out of bed. Get a heating pad. It is the only way I’ve been able to move several times a week.
